Even though they already have a blended family of four children, five dogs and five cats, Maryclaire Collins and her fiancé built a house in Highland Park with a special additional feature—a suite for Maryclaire’s mother, Florence Collins, 88. Although Florence lives in nearby Winnetka, the suite will serve as a permanent home for her, should she become too frail to live on her own. In the meantime, it serves as a comfortable and private place for her to stay when she visits her daughter and grandchildren.

Over the last few decades, American households consisted of just one or two generations, couples, or couples and their children. Grandparents lived elsewhere, often miles, or even states, away. Unlike many other cultures with long histories of extended families, American families have tended to splinter, with adult children moving far away from their parents and hometowns.

But as their parents age, middle-aged Americans are discovering that distance creates problems. If Mom has trouble living on her own, it’s difficult to oversee her care from far away. Households are changing as a result.

According to the latest U.S. Census figures, nearly four million American homes are now multigenerational, with three or more generations sharing the same house. “There’s no question this is happening,” says Elinor Ginzler, director for Liveable Communities at AARP, “and I don’t see [this trend] going away.” In fact, Ginzler says, she expects to see more multigenerational homes created as the population ages.

Lori Dube’s mother, Cruciel Oleinick, 80, of Bloomfield, Michigan, was widowed five years ago and often makes extended visits to her daughter’s home in Evanston. She frequently babysits her three grandchildren. “She still has the energy to do that [and] that’s a huge help for us,” says Dube. “And it’s wonderful [for the children] to have their Bubby here.” If Oleinick finds she can no longer live on her own, Dube says, she is welcome to live with them.

Multigenerational living has benefits. Grandchildren get to know their grandparents, and elderly parents get the care and companionship they need. But it can be challenging, too. Difficulties arise, for example, if family members feel crowded and lacking in privacy.

To make it work, Lissa Coffey, PhD, a best-selling author and lifestyle expert, offers three basic rules. First, “everybody has to have some place where they can go to be by themselves.” Togetherness is good for a family, she says, but privacy is equally important.

Second, Coffey recommends dividing household chores and setting a schedule so family members know workloads are fair and everyone is making a contribution. Depending on their physical capabilities, grandparents can help by babysitting, cleaning dishes or caring for a pet.

Finally, consideration for other family members is essential. This may seem obvious, but it’s not always easy. Playing loud music, leaving a bathroom dirty or not putting dishes away can build resentment. To ensure family harmony, Coffey suggests teenagers use head phones instead of cranking up their stereos. Elderly family members who may be hard-of-hearing can use headsets, too, instead of turning up the TV or radio.

As more and more Boomers build or renovate homes to accommodate elderly parents, experts say they should consider safety first. Dr. June McKoy, a geriatrician and assistant professor of medicine at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine, says preventing falls is a top priority. She cautions that bathrooms are especially dangerous places for the elderly. Most of those “who fall tend to fall in their bathrooms” because of the wet surfaces.

To prevent falls that lead to hip fractures or worse, experts like McKoy recommend using non-skid surfaces in tubs and showers, installing good lighting throughout the house, and avoiding throw rugs, which are easy to trip over. McKoy also says seniors should make sure there is space around their beds so they won’t trip over things nearby if they get up during the night. Keeping a phone low to the floor in both the bedroom and bathroom is another good idea so they can call for help if they do fall.

And designers say all of this can be done without sacrificing aesthetics. Jonathan Poore, architect and principal of Poore & Co. in Gloucester, Massachusetts, creates beautiful spaces that the elderly can use along with everyone else. Instead of installing a handicap ramp at an entrance, for example, a winding garden path can serve the same purpose. “If somebody looked at it they would never say, ‘Oh, that’s a handicap ramp,’” Poore says.

Back in Evanston, Cruciel Oleinick gets along well with her daughter’s family. To make her stays more comfortable—and to provide her with a permanent place in their home should she ever need it—the family built a large bedroom with a walk-in closet and an adjoining bath. Oleinick was invited to participate in the suite’s design so she would feel even more at home. “The daughter’s approach was, ‘whatever you want, Mom,’ says Nancy Becker, the architect.

Oleinick’s daughter, Lori Dube, appreciates the time she has with her mother. “The fact that I can go down [to her suite] and…she’s right there makes me happy,” she says.

–Claire Landes Altschuler

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 17th, 2006 at 9:00 am and is filed under Family & Relationships, Real Estate & Homes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.